FROM THE ARCHIVE
Tying The Knot Issue 254 February 2011
With our 2nd annual Civil Partnership issue out now, we look back at highlights from last years issue. Next up - Civil Partnership Planning.
Do you have any Civil Partnership Planning Tips? Tell us in the comment section below!
Having a civil partnership ceremony that everyone there will remember is not simply about saying, "I do" - there's a lot more involved. Declan Marr talks about the finer points of getting hitched.
Your ceremony will be the cornerstone of your civil partnership celebration, without it there would be no registration, no reception, no flowers, no first dance... you get the drift. Straight couples with similar religious backgrounds often marry in church and their priest or minister marks out the wedding ceremony for them. Civil partnerships are non-religious and while this might seem less ceremonial than a traditional church wedding, in reality you are on the cutting edge and can create something uniquely special to you and your partner that resonates with your gathered loved ones.
Count your blessings that you don't have to adhere to the rules and etiquette that are loaded upon traditional weddings, there are no 'have to' lists that mothers will wave under your nose, no pre-marital courses with men who (supposedly) have never even had sex telling you how to live your life as a married couple. It's your civil partnership ceremony, and anytime you choose to draw on established traditions, you will be doing so with an acute awareness of why you're doing it, not just because "that's what you do in a wedding."
If you want your civil partnership ceremony to be more or less like a traditional wedding, substituting two brides or two grooms for the heretofore customary bride and groom, that's fine. And if you want to combine traditions and customs from different cultures that you find meaningful, that's fine too.
With civil partnerships there is not any yet 'true' tradition, so you get to create your own symbols that are new and appropriate - symbols that reflect your own personal realities, as well as the reality of you as a couple.
One thing I can guarantee is that no matter what your ceremony is like, there will not be many dry eyes in the house. Because not only are you two people joining your lives together, you are also performing an act of bravery in the face of a society that in has not embraced the magic of your love up until now, and still has enough problems with it that we still don't have equal marriage for gay and lesbian people in this country.
Here are a few things to bear in mind when organising your ceremony:
The Venue
If you would like to hold your ceremony in a venue other than your local registry office, you have to apply to the registry office in the area where your desired venue is located. There are restrictions about what days of the week civil ceremonies can be held because registrars are public servants and do not work on weekends. If you really want a ceremony and reception on a Saturday, then the alternate option is first have the legal ceremony performed quietly in a registry office during the week and then hold a humanist ceremony or blessing on the weekend.
The Witnesses
While bridesmaids, groomsmen, pageboys and flowergirls are optional - you can have them if you want - witnesses are not. Each of you will need to one person to be the witness to your civil partnership. They will stand at the top of the room with you and they will sign the civil register when your ceremony is completed. These are really the stand-ins for the traditional Best Man and Matron of Honour, so they should ideally be people who are close to you, best friends or family members you can rely on to do the job and to help you do your job on the day. You can even charge them with organisaton of the your stag or hen do's, if they're amenable!
Someone To Take Care Of Your Guests
It's always a good idea to appoint someone in your circle who is friendly and outgoing to arrive at the wedding site early to make sure everything is in order, accompany people to their seats, help elderly members of your party, and direct the guests from the ceremony to the reception. If you're having formal seating, you should think about at least one usher for every fifty guests.
The Music
Music is one of the most important elements contributing to a memorable wedding ceremony. Because it speaks directly to our souls, it helps set the mood before the ceremony begins as well as providing a meditative punctuation after words spoken during the ceremony. In another feature in this magazine, we give you 21 suggestions for songs that could be played while you walk up the aisle. However, you might want to go for the live option. There's nothing more touching than having a good friend lend their performance skills to the ceremony, but ask only accomplished musicians and singers to do the job. The only thing worse than no music is bad music.
The Vows
During the civil partnership ceremony overseen by a registrar the vows are prescribed. You must declare that (a) there is no impediment, (b) you will live together and support each other and (c) each party accepts the other as a civil partner. Aside from this, if agreed by the Registrar, you and your partner can personalise your ceremony by including personal vows. This is a time to be really creative. Sit down with your partner and make a list of adjectives that describe what you mean to each other and what you would like to be for one another as the years go by, then pull them together into meaningful vows. Or quote from your favorite poetry or love songs. The scope is limitless.
The Rings
Before any legal provisions, the exchanging of rings was a way for gay and lesbian couples to formalise their commitment to each other. People wore them to symbolise their union, even though there were no legal options. Try www.designyardgallery to look at some beautiful contemporary rings, or if you're feeling creative, why not make your own? Quirky but classical designer Geraldine Murphy of Saba Jewellery (www.saba.ie) runs an evening course in creating and making your own rings. For more information, email info@saba.ie
The Photographer
You'll want a personal record of your big day, whether it is on video or in photographs. If you're looking for a high-end photographic document of your day, the man behind the camera at our special partnership fashion shoot, Maciej Pestka, is available at info@maciejpestka.com or 086 722 7272.
Dublin photographer, Shawna Scott is photographing gay and lesbian civil partnership celebrations over the coming year, completely free of charge to the couples who participate, and at the end of 2011 will hold an exhibition with the proceeds going towards the Marriage Equality campaign. She can be contacted at ShawnaScottPhotos@gmail.com or by calling 087 616 0208.