07 Sep 2009
The Only Gay in the Village
This past
weekend, I went to Belfast to experience some of Ireland’s grittier history. I
did all the activities tourists are expected to do, and against the advice of my
Dubliner friends, walked to a bar at night. Besides seeing absolutely zero
people in the streets, the walk was completely uneventful. It was only when I
got to Dubarry’s that something interesting occurred. Only the day before I
left, a friend from Honest to Goodness loaned me “Little Britain,” specifying
that I was to watch Daffyd as The Only Gay in the Village.
While
waiting for my Guinness at the bar, a man approached me, clearly drunk and/or
totally crazy. He began with the introduction that he was a miner from the
Midlands, and he was the only gay in his area. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Apparently, his wife sends him to Belfast on the weekends so he can let out
some steam. However, while he might be the resident Daffyd in his mining
village, he is what my friend D.B. would call a “Lifestyle Gay.”
When I inquired
about other bars in the city, he immediately shot down Mynt as a den of dealers
and dickheads, and Kremlin had a 10 pound cover charge. So I asked about the
non-gay bars. Immediately, his interest waned. If no gays were involved, why
bother? This is not the first time I’ve encountered this attitude; in fact, it
is one major similarity between home and here.
I’ve always
felt that the main reason most of the gays at home were friends was only
because they were gay. This seems to me the equivalent of blondes being friends
with blondes because they share the same hair color. A New Yorker I met here
would only come out with our group of friends if we went to a gay bar, or had
more than four gays with us.
Why this
straight exclusion? Shouldn’t we be trying to integrate with them as well as
working toward a straight acceptance of gays? I understand the Lifestyle Gay’s
urge to meet more gays, with the ever-present possibility of finding a
boyfriend, but must their entourage consist only of queens?
Maybe Miner
from the Midlands wasn’t really being a choosy Lifestyle Gay; maybe he really did just
want to blow off some steam for his wife. And maybe Daffyd has the beginnings
of a right idea: he might be the only gay in his village, but he still manages
to mingle with the straight crowd, even if by force of environment.
Looking
forward to expanding the gay community,
An American
in Dublin
