RELATIONSHIPS
Office Crush
When you have feelings for a work colleague and you are not sure if they’re gay, what should do? Relationships expert Ray, gets on the case.
Q: There is a person that I work with that I have huge feelings for, but I don’t know what to do. Should I just tell him and see if he possibly feels the same way? I’m not sure if he is gay. But I need to know if he feels the same way. Could you please help me?
A: You have “huge feelings” for this person, but they are not seen, recognised, or reciprocated. However real these “huge feelings” are, they are not real. You have a crush, a strong crush, but it is imaginary, an illusion, a fantasy. You should recognise this as such, and indeed enjoy this for what it is.
You say that you are not sure if he is gay or not, but regardless you need to know if he feels the same way. He can only feel the same way if he is gay; and he is single and available; and your attraction is reciprocated. So first things first. The only thing that can destroy a fantasy is reality, so bring it there. Find out if he is gay; and perhaps the best to do this is to ask if he is seeing anyone; or where he goes out at weekends; or what his type is. By indirect means you can find things out without hitting him over the head with a great big pink mallet.
But be aware of deluding yourself if there are evasive answers and reading into him a closet case just ripe for the picking. And allow him to know something about you in your own answers without being unsubtle or glaringly obvious.
If he is gay then you can ask him about meeting up either on a date if you are so brave; or casually, when you are both out on the scene. But if he is not gay or doesn’t identify as such then beware the fantasy overdrive that will have you wasting many hours and days and weeks in illusions and dreams of the night when he will confess his undying desires for you. Instead of using dreams to guide their lives, too many people misuse dreams to avoid their life. If your dream of this guy is bringing you towards a real future then enjoy; but if it preventing you from having a real relationship, and a real life then steer clear. Get busy living.
Ray