05 Mar 2009
CHASTITY'S PARTIN' SHOT
From GCN 231:
As I perused GCN.ie this month, I came across the list of
so-called ‘Icons’ that the Gay Community News has deemed well, //iconic// and
worthy of inclusion in this fine publication. But it has compelled me to ask –
by what stretch of the imagination in Blaithnaid Ni Unpronounceable considered an
icon, let alone an icon to or of the gay community? Dustin the Turkey, in an
interview with Shirley Temple Bar several months ago got it right when he
called her shining achievement the fact that she’s ‘a red setter that’s allowed
up on the couch’.
Seriously though, Blaithnaid? The only thing more surprising
was the inclusion of Samantha Mumba! I mean honestly, what fevered mind though
she was worth inclusion in the list? Not only has she long since been exiled to
Has-Been Land, but she was never a gay or straight icon – she was never
anything but a second-rate ‘performer’ of the Louis Walsh B Team (the A team
being The Carter Twins obviously – in fact why haven’t they been included?)
Samantha Mumba, though she may be a nice lady, is about as iconic as a used bit
of Kleenex.
And then there’s Stephen Gately – you might remember him as
the short one from Boyzone who only came out about 15 years after the public
stopped caring. The man is nothing but a shameless self-promotionalist. His
coming out could have been useful or inspirational if he had done it while he
was popular, instead of cynically using it as a marketingl tool to generate
media attention for the Boyzone reunion or whatever. At least Mark Feehily
actually came out while he was still gainfully employed and he could’ve lost
fans (and by extension, revenue) as a result. Surprisingly Mark has the
testicular fortitude the Gately is apparently lacking!
There are so many laughable and bizarre nominees in this
list that of the 50, I am unsure where to start. Firstly, less then 10 are gay
(or openly gay)! This is rather shocking, though not entirely GCN’s fault; no
doubt the lack of gay Irish celebrities had a part to play too, but a smaller
list, one fifth the size but made up exclusively of gay people would have
served far better.
In all honesty, when was the last time some Irish gay thought
to themselves ‘Wow – Maureen O’Hara just doesn’t get the recognition she
deserves as a Gay Icon! I wish GCN would ironically venerate her for my reading
pleasure!’ Never, that’s when. Ditto for Niamh Kavanagh – yeah, she won
Eurovision and yeah, gays like the Eurovision but she’s straight! She doesn’t
campaign for gay rights or equality, she doesn’t care about anything to do with
gay matters – and why would she? She’s straight!
Also, why Nadine Coyle? Oh I know! She dated Jesse Metcalf,
who was in Desperate Housewives, which is watched weekly by gay people! Pauline
McGlynn? Oh yes – she was in Father Ted as the housekeeper who makes tea all
the time, and the Irish for tea is ‘tae’ which rhymes with ‘gay’. So obvious! The
merits of many of these so-called-icons can only be determined after a tiringly
circuitous game of ‘Six Degrees of Queer Seperation’. What about Anne Doyle? I
know; she once shook hands with Bosco (who according to GCN is also a queer
icon) thus rendering herself eligible for the title of ‘Icon of Gay Ireland’. Is
she a talented newsreader? Yes. Is that legitimate grounds for inclusion? Not
really.
Perhaps GCN’s trademark irreverence and tongue-in-cheek style
has failed them in this endevour. There is a thin line between satire and spoof
as they say, but who exactly was responsible for putting Keith Duffy on the
list? No amount of pithy comments or cute promo-stills can justify Duffy’s
inclusion or Johnny Logan’s (though What’s another Straight among a sea of so
many?) or approx 80% of this list. The simple fact is that, while people like
Senator Norris are bone fide Icons, people like Twink are not. Sen Norris is a pink
Rolls Royce, Twink is a brown Skoda, capiche?
My personal favourite non-gay gay icon offered by the GCN
editorial team is undoubtedly Gay Byrne. Why was Gay included? Because his name
is Gay and indeed It’s lucky that he adopted the cheerful moniker ; had he
stuck with ‘Gabriel’ he might have lost out on a place in the list. Phew! Bet
he’ll be thinking the same thing when he gets his copy of GCN in the post next
month.
Also, a quick question ; have GCN approached all these
straight ‘icons’ and asked if they have any objections to being included? The
presumption by GCN that none of the 36-odd straights included will have any
personal reservations (or objections) to the gay lifestyle is a bit naïve.
Stastically speaking, if one in 30 people is homophobic, then that would mean
at least one of these ‘Icons’ is a homophobe!
While I understand that there are few high profile gays that
could be included in this list, GCN could’ve simply resolved it. Instead of
compiling a list of 50 random straight people with tenuous (if any) links to
the gay community, just compile one with say, 10 actual gay people who are
worth lauding and recognising - not fucking Micheal Flately.