RELATIONSHIPS
Relationships Expert
Any advice for getting used to being single after 11 years with the one woman? Ray responds...
Be gentle with yourself and your expectations. After 11 years with one
person the world is going to seem a very strange and different place without
that someone occupying that place beside you, physically and emotionally.
Any relationship, no matter how dysfunctional or unhappy, brings with it some level
of security, illusional or otherwise, against loneliness. This time in your
life is going to bring waves and levels of loneliness.
Work on friendships, old and new. Rebuild and reconnect to have a community/connection about and around you. Take your time. Any new person will be measured
both positively and negatively against your ex. Be aware of such comparisons.
They are fair neither on you or on new people in your life.
Let go of what was, the eleven years of love, intimacy, insecurity, anger; all
of it. Let go of the hopes and fears, fantasies and realities that were part of
that relationship. Let go of it fully so you can be open to a future that is not
being dragged back by the past.
No regrets. Always try to stay with the truth of what you are feeling in the
present, and enjoy as much as you can, as openly as you can.
Good Luck, Ray.
Ray O'Neill is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist specialising in individual and relationship counselling. He can be contacted on 086 828 0033 or by visiting www.machna.ie