FROM THE ARCHIVE
21 THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT CHARLIE'S ANGELS
Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy... We immerse ourselves in all that was big-haired, bold and beautiful about Jill, Kelly, Sabrina and, of course, Chris.
1. Kate Jackson
Without a doubt Sabrina Duncan was
almost every queer's favourite Angel, and we have a theory as to why. Unlike
Kelly and Jill, Sabrina always wore suits. Sometimes those suits had skirts,
but usually she was the one with the trousers. Her gravelly voice, her feisty
attitude, and the way Bosley treated her like one of the lads, made her TV's
first crypto-lesbo private detective. As a pin-up she was never just a
lip-glossed tits 'n' ass cover girl, so queer boys, who couldn't relate to the
hetero appeal of Kelly and Jill, could indulge in all sorts of fantasies of
actually becoming Sabrina. (At least I did - Ed.)
2. The Opening Lines
All together now! "Once upon a time
there were three beautiful girls who went to the Police Academy. And they were
each assigned very hazardous duties. But I took them away from all that, and
now they work for me. My name is Charlie."
3. The Hair
The original Angels were visually
identified to the viewers by their sculpted-in-stone hairdo's. Sometimes they
did little things to their locks when in undercover disguise, but at the
beginning and end of every episode, Jill would be sporting her feather cut,
Kelly would be a mass of soft, girlish curls and Sabrina had her shiny page-boy
in place. Farrah's hair became the most famous - her gorgeous layer-cut was the
Rachel of the '70s.
4. The Charlie and Bosley Thing
Okay, every time we saw a glimpse of
Charlie's hand or the back of his head, he was surrounded by beautiful, scantily
clad babes. But what was going down with the very intimate, very flirty
relationship he had with his personal assistant? Bosley was Weyland Smithers to
Charlie's Montgomery Burns. We would not at all be surprised if Bosley had his
own collection of Malibu Stacy dolls.
5. The Farrah Poster
It was the nipples that made that poster
of Farrah Fawcett Majors (she was married to Lee Majors, the Six Million Dollar
Man, at the time) a piece of internationally recognised iconography. People
said it was the teeth and the hair, but underneath that red bathing suit she
was sporting football studs. The dirty stop-out!
6. The 'Angels in Chains' Episode
In which the girls find themselves in an
all woman's prison to infiltrate a brothel run by the Governer. It features the
legendary shower scene with all three naked Angels being hosed down by a
lascivious diesel dyke prison warden. Kim Basinger guested in this episode, as
a girl gone bad on the inside.
7. Jacklyn Smith
Although we loved Sabrina more, for some
(mostly baby dykes with femme fantasies), Kelly came in a close second.
Originally Jacklyn had auditioned for the Sabrina role, but the producers felt
her image was more suited to streetwise Kelly. Her biggest playing card was the
moment she took off her motorbike helmet during the show's opening sequence and
shook out that silky mane. It made her career.
8. Their Subsequent Careers
Jacklyn, of course, became the queen of
the mini-series, playing Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy and Florence Nightengale
among others in execrable two-parters. Farrah briefly became the face of
cinefeminism with her movies about wife-beating and rape, The Burning Bed and
Extremities, respectively. But Kate went on to star in one of the first
mainstream Hollywood movies about homosexuality, Making Love. She played a
woman who discovered her husband was a big nelly. Naturally she was disgusted.
9. Cheryl Ladd
In 1977, when Cheryl Ladd was originally
asked to replace Farrah Fawcett, she turned the role down. She finally agreed
to take the part if her character could be funny and would be allowed to make
mistakes. Then Aaron Spelling suggested she could play the kid sister of
Fawcett's Jill Munroe. This casting worked perfectly, and Ladd literally saved
the series from being cancelled. Good on ya, sista!
10. The Jumpsuits
In 1976, when Charlie's Angels first
appeared on our screens, the number of cotton-polyester mix jumpsuits being
sold at boutiques across the Western World went through the roof. They never
quite looked as good on real people as they did on the Angels, but nobody
seemed to notice.
11. The Van
The A-team had butch black, whereas the
Angels had femme pink. Which one would you choose?
12. The Logo
Charlie's Angels was a pioneer in
television branding. Show us someone who doesn't immediately recognise exactly
what show that three-headed gun toting, curly haired silhouette represents and
we'll show you someone who isn't showing their age.
13. The Girl Power
Think about it. The villains in
Charlie's Angels were always big, fuck-off bastards with a life of crime and
thuggery behind them, yet they were always immediately intimidated into
submission by a girl with a gun that could fit in her handbag and a mean line
in karate chops. Now, that's girl power for ya.
14. Shelly Hack
Poor Shelly Hack. In 1979 she had the
huge responsibility of replacing Kate Jackson, the 'rock' of the series. Hack
was up against Michelle Pfeiffer to get the part, but the producers went with
her because she'd just become a household face as Revlon's 'Charlie Girl'. It
seemed like the perfect tie-in. It wasn't, and the ratings plummeted. Her
character, Tiffany Welles, was supposed to be a 'sophisticated Angel', but the
audience didn't buy it. She was let go after only one season.
15. Tania Roberts
In 1980 Tanya Roberts led a new era for
the Angels as the man-eating Julie Rogers. The Townsend Detective Agency's
office temporarily moved to Hawaii, facilitating much more crime-solving in
bikinis. But not even hours of jiggly tits could save the show without Kate
on-board, and it died a miserable, sun-drenched death.
16. The Office
Most people's offices feature hard,
up-right chairs and computer terminals (or in Charlie's day, typewriters), but
not the Townsend Detective Agency. This office came complete with a bar, huge
sofas and plenty of coffee table books to peruse while you contemplated your
next crime-solving mission.
17. The Feminism
Sabrina, Kelly and Jill were three women
who decided to eschew traditional roles for women in the 1970s and, instead,
save the streets of LA from organised crime. Yet, whenever they heard Charlie's
voice, they turned into simpering, giggling and very willing slaves to a,
frankly mysognistic, womanising master. What was that all about?
18. The Baywatch Spoof
In 1993 an episode of Baywatch spoofed
Charlie's Angels when Yasmine Bleeth assumed the role of Kelly, Alexandra Paul
became Sabrina and Pamela Anderson did her best Jill Munroe. This inspired the
producers to cast Pamela in VIP, a TV show about three female private
detectives. Yawn.
19. The Movies
All hail Drew Barrymore, who was such a
fan of the TV show she decided to produce the movie franchise. Both films are
not only faithful to the original high-style, kick-ass, comedic nature of the
original series, but they manage to update the concept by throwing lots of
Matrix-style fight sequences and groovy special effects into the mix. And
Cameron Diaz.
20. The Boyfriends
Jill had an on-going boyfriend for two
episodes in the first season, and Kris suffered from relationship problems over
a couple of consecutive shows, but for the most part the Angels had sporadic
boyfriends with whom they were madly in love at the beginning of the episode,
but had split up with by the end. A lot like life, really. All the boyfriends
looked like Tom Selleck. Or maybe they all were Tom Selleck.
21. The Closing Scene
Scene 35. Cut to: Interior. The Office: Charlie is explaining, with the help of
Bosley, exactly what the motive for the crime his Angels have just solved was.
Sabrina, Kelly and Jill all add their own tuppence worth and then somebody
makes a joke at Bosley's expense. Everybody laughs. Freeze and roll credits.