GENERAL FEATURES
PANTI'S PA UPDATE!
Oh wow, things just got good! 12 started and with five still in the game, there were eight contestants taking part in tonight’s wild card round to introduce another possible PA into the mix. And what a wild night it turned out to be.
For those not familiar with the wild card concept, tonight was to give a second chance to all those voted off so far, and any others that fancied their chances of winning a place in the last rounds of the competition.
Rumors were rife all week. Special guests? Judges? New contestants? Check, check and double check!
The bar was buzzing by the time the show kicked off, the usual gays were in situ (Philly wanted a mention, great taste in boyfriends, crap taste in t-shirts) as well as a few of the already qualified acts around the bar- Birth-A, Claire Voyant and Twiggy (Blathnaid wasn’t allowed out tonight, way past her bedtime!)
After her fabulous Vikki Carr opening number (and a regal new dress), Panti introduced Veda, Shirley and TV comedy star, Katherine Lynch as judges. Shirley and Katherine were aye okay, but should have remembered that Panti is looking for a performing assistant girls, not a personal assistant; she has no shortage of those! Veda was brilliant. She gave a very astute critique of every performance that added another dimension to the evening.
Four of the previous contestants returned – Money Penny, Amanda Playwith, Ivanna Dance and Juicy Dangler and four newbie’s took on the challenge - Victoria Smack-Em, Annie Climax, Widow Spanky and Regina George.
First on stage was Victoria Smack-Em from Belfast. Bunny, she ain’t - she makes Ivanna look like Britney. I’m not exactly sure what she attempted to sing (the penis lolly and concern about Panti letting standards drop distracted). The less said the better. Word of advice honey, size eight trousers when you are at least a 14 is a big no-no.
Annie climax was up next with a complicated routine that went horribly wrong due to wig malfunctions and lack of tit tape. Loved the black & gold dress though!
The first of the previous entrants onstage was Money Penny, looking Pippy Longstocking-esque complete with a bright red bob, navy one-piece bathing suit, red, stripy, knee-high socks, shiny silver trainers, set off by a sparkly silver anchor belt, and fabulous red glitter lashes. A final year communications student doing his thesis on Drag Queens, Money Penny bopped along to a Basement Jaxx Megamix. Fun and colorful, but with a hot Italian boyfriend in Edinburgh, he’s not a serious contender for Panti’s PA.
Ivanna was up next with a new dress for the occasion, complete with burgundy boa, patent heels and a God-awful orange bracelet. We were ‘treated’ to some obscure jingles about fingers of fudge. (Ladies really shouldn’t be airing such topics in public) followed by a sing-a-long to Hey Big Spender. The judges were less than complimentary and Ivanna was upset that Veda missed some of her performance, which resulted in a comical face-off.
After seeing a vulnerable girly side to Juicy in last week’s competition, she was back in his comfort zone behind make up, props and costumes. This week Juicy was Jesus Christ herself, complete with stigmata, a cross (sparkly of course), loafs, fishes and a big purple hickie on his neck. (Compliments of a randomer he snogged in the crowd last week? I see a trend - first Blathnaid and Ewan, now Juicy, who will crowd score next?)
The third of the newbies was the fabulous Widow Spanky, aka the even more fabulously creative Will St Ledger who performed November Rain by Guns & Roses as a beautiful Juliette Lewis-ish bride, complete with groom, priest and air guitar.
Kudos to Amanda PlayWith for giving it another go with such strong competition. She was a believable Alanis Morissette, but her eye make up is just hideous. (Sorry honey!).
Last on stage was Regina George, another newbie. And OMG what a piece of ass. Pussy cat dolls eat your heart out. She got the crowd riled up with a suitably slutty version of Britney’s Piece of Me.
The judges each got to choose a contestant to save. Katherine choose Victoria (for all the wrong reasons), Shirley went for Regina, and Veda (for all the right reasons) saved Widow Spanky and Juicy, but then had to flip a coin to choose between them, which resulted in another unfair exit for Juicy - he’s not my glass of bubbly, but I do admire his talent.
Panti had the casting vote and, not a moment too soon, sent Victoria home, which left Widow Spanky and Regina to battle it out over Giant Connect Four. With too many creative commitments to be a PA, the Widow threw the game and Regina won the wild card into the final rounds of the competition, which has now got very very interesting indeed! She’s going to give the remaining five a total run for their money.