26 Apr 2009
The gay wine made me do it
My unemployed friend Mateo needed help. Only one person could help him prepare for a forthcoming interview in English. EUROWITCH to the rescue. I donned my cape and leapt into super-heroine mode.
Everything was going swimmingly until an embarrassing moment left a slightly bitter taste in our mouths. I promise it was the gay wine that made me do it. Really.
At lunch, Mateo and his girlfirend Soraya presented what they thought would be a great surprise for me. It was a bottle of wine. It seemed just like any other. But it wasn't.
It was gay wine.
We've been lulled into buying "low-fat" and "Lite" options over recent decades. With options getting increasingly limited, companies are now diversifying into "gay" products. Chasing the pink euro is the new black.
A winery in Aranda del Duero, launched Mundo Gay (Gay World) in 2008 "in honour of the gay community". The label uses a stylised rainbow flag and in honour of our slightly better earning power, the price is just €20 a pop. A scandal in Spain, but hey, we gays can afford it, right? And we're worth it.
After drinking several glasses of this "gay world" wine, I felt rather ho-mellow-sexual. Soraya got their baby up from his nap and he demanded to go to his Daddy. There he was sitting on his Dad's lap looking at me, like I was the gayest thing he'd ever seen in his young life. He started to bawl. I rubbed his leg to calm him a little, but suddenly, I realised I wasn't rubbing his leg anymore. It was a big, strong, muscular leg. It was my friend's. My eyes met Mateo's and I pulled my hand away.
So, that's what gay wine does. Other side-effects are that seemingly straight male friends suddenly start flirting with you and if you drink a glass before going shopping, you will certainly come home with no food but lots of fabulous clothes.
Gay wine! Who'd be having it?