TRAVEL
The Five Minute Guide To... Edinburgh
If Carlsberg did weekend breaks they would do them in Edinburgh says a nicely satiated Nick Costello.
Carlsberg don't make weekend breaks but if they did... Yes indeed, picture it, a non-rowdy plane flight, luggage arrives, you're collected by 6'5" of Scottish man meat in full dress kilt who whisks you in to town to your charming B&B where he ravishes you and you indulge completely in the tartan end of the fantasy spectrum. I'm sure when you visit you'll have a lovely time too, but really, this was as good as it could get.
Courtesy of Visit Britain, Edinburgh hove into view on a darkening Winter evening and my head flooded with all of the appropriate guidebook phrases 'dramatic, commanding, forbidding' etc. Edinburgh is an oddly discreet city - the plainness of much of its architecture hides a plethora of bars, cafes and clubs that appear to cater to pretty much every taste.
The local queens complained vividly about the Edinburgh scene - basically just like Dublin's with a couple of cafés, a handful of bars over a few streets and a couple of clubs. The thing is, I eventually realised that these queens were simply being Scottish - every single person I met complained about the new Scottish Parliament building and everything else in between.
The Edinburgh gay scene is centred in the so-called Pink Triangle, which centres largely around New Town's Broughton Street, although not exclusively. CC Bloom's at Greenside Place, the venerable old lady of the Edinburgh scene was a little like the George in the '80s (our Editor showed me photos) and when my usually smoke-free deweys stopped watering I had a chance to check out the talent. Shortly after this revelation we left.
My favourite bar (besides the Opal Lounge which is straight and Scotsman, which is just VAIRY Edinburgh) was The New Town, a grubby old joint with a few corners to it and a very mixed crowd with (for me) a happy sprinkling of members of the Caledonian Thebans rugby team. Harvey Nick's also has a very nice Cocktail lounge on the roof, though it tried a little too hard.
The best thing of all is that there are no archaic, bizarre drinking laws in Scotland! You can drink drink drink drink until, oh, at least 5am. And then grab yourself a deep fried Mars Bar to share with your new friend. Barry. (No, your new friend does not need to be called Barry, it is just an old Edinburgh phrase meaning 'excellent'. No, really, it does.)
If you're a girl who's into girls and you're looking for lesbian bars, you might try Planet Out, or Habana, or the gay friendly Pop Rokit. The Laughing Duck has recently reclaimed its Edinburgh title as the longest running gay bar in town - and it caters to plenty of women among the mix. If you're looking for Edinburgh lesbian pubs, you've found the right place.
For those boys who like a bit of a wander after their socialising, the hill behind CC Blooms, Habana, Planet Out and basically the tackier end of things is a hive of male on male activity, so you can get blown while feasting your eyes on a lovely panoramic view of Sir Walter Scott, Princes Street and, inevitably the castle. The castle is everything a castle should be - sturdy, forbidding and a working barracks for the Scottish Guard - many of whom were in evidence as we paused for that castle-top snog... (good old Carlsberg).
Back at Garland's B&B (yes - named after little Liza's mom) the charming Bill made us feel perfectly at home as a steady clientele of pleasant Scottish gentlemen passed through his hands. Food was uniformly good in the city - from a Dunne e Crecenzi-esque eatery on Leith walk to excellent seafood at Fisher's, to chunky tasty and cheap fare in the gay run Blue Moon Café on Broughton Street, topped off by Fish and Chips looking out over the Firth of Forth. Shopping necessitates a visit to tartan - central at Jenner's, the aforementioned Harvey Nick's and in my case Crabtree and Evelyn for a musical fairy for her indoors, with a brief stop by Q Store (just beside the Blue Moon) for a nose around the good stock of porn and toys.
If Glasgow is Scotland's Party Town, Edinburgh is The Establishment. Coming from hodgepodge of styles that is Dublin, Edinburgh seems remarkably planned and uniform, a respectable city of imposing design and occasional showiness with a friendly if austere population.
Nick travelled with Aer Lingus direct from Dublin (Ryanair also operate a service) and stayed at Garland's Guesthouse off Leith walk.
THE VERY BEST...
BAR: Habana, 22 Greenside Place
Catering to a happy crowd of young, hipsters, this a bright, colourful venue with a glass brick bar that acts as a dancefloor when things really get going.
CLUB: Joy at Club Ego, 14 Picardy Place
Full-on gay club night held the 4th Saturday of the month. The music goes from funky house at the start of the night to tougher house and trance as the night progresses, with more laid back choones in the downstairs bar. Phone ahead to make sure your weekend coincides, 0044 131 478 7434 (from Rep of Ireland).
ACCOMODATION: Garlands Guest House, 48 Pilrig Street. Tel. 0044 131 554 4205 (from Rep of Ireland), e-mail bill@garlands.demon.co.uk
Gorgeous, comfortable and friendly Georgian guesthouse within staggering distance of the best of the city's nightlife.
CAFÉ: Blue Moon Café, 36 Broughton Street
The longest running gay gathering-place in Edinburgh attracts an eclectic mix of people to sample its lovely vegetarian fare. A good place to catch a bite while you are cruising queer bars.
WOMEN'S NIGHT: Divine Divas at The Venue, 15 Calton Road
Undoubtedly Edinburgh's biggest female fiesta, this monthly club attracts a diverse and sexy clientele just gagging to party. Phone ahead to make sure your weekend coincides 0044 131 556 8997 (from Rep of Ireland).
SAUNA: Number 18, 18 Albert Place, Leith Walk, Mon-Thu noon-10pm, Fri-Sun noon-11pm
The facilities include a large sauna cabin, 14-man steam room, 8 very popular private rooms, 8-man filter jacuzzi, communal and private showers, 3 themed areas comprising of a darkroom, sling room and glory hole room.