29 Dec 2009
I can't without you
My intention was to write about Nuk Mundem Pa Ty (I can't without you), the song which last night, excited Albanians voted to represent them in the 2010 Eurovision Song Contest.
However, as I pounded the treadmill in my local leisure centre that idea got trampled underfoot. As I sang along with the "gym songs" on my iPod, bewildered fellow users were giving me odd looks.
Yes, I admit it. I am the guy who may break into absent-minded song in the gym. So kill me.
Today however, I may have gone just that little bit too far. GAA players coming out of hibernation and day-glo attired B&B owners don't want to see a camp 30-something sweating it out and singing about condoms.
Which sadly folks, is what I was doing.
I discovered the song Kondom, by Turkish artist Tuğba Ekinci earlier this summer and have been intrigued ever since. I have even invented my own make-up lyrics to the sounds of the originals which are something along the lines of: "Condom, am I a condom? Condom, give me a condom". Just your regular everyday pop song.
Thankfully, nobody seemed to have heard my rhetorical question, or at least they had the decency to keep their answers to themselves. It did get me to thinking about man's rubber little amigo.
Last week, as I sat in my local free sexual health clinic in Madrid with a rather painful piece of plastic stuck in my urethra, a very Machiavellian nurse reminded me of the importance of using condoms. As she stuck the offeding article into my very very flacid penis for the third and last time, she offered the following advice: "the next time you give a blow-job without a condom, remember this moment". In my increasing state of delirium, I acquiesced. What else could one do, bar scream Mommmmmmmy?
When I got home, I realised that I didn't know as much about STDs as a gay young man should. I didn't really think about how condoms can prevent STDs like chlamydia and syphillis. Now I know. I'm still not sure how I feel about using condoms during fellatio, but at least I know what can happen if I don't. Make 2010 the year of the condom. It's either that or periodically having a little stick in your dick and that, my friends ain't no fun at all.
P.S. The results were clear.
Watch the Kondom video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuJrea7eY9k&feature=related