31 Mar 2010
Chastity Chastises: Ricky Martin
So, Ricky Martin is officially gay and the news has been met with universal shoulder-shrugging and general unsuprisedness all round. To anyone with a functioning pair of retinas, this ‘news’ was filed under ‘D’ for ‘Duh’ and then promptly forgotten about.
As well it – and he - should be. The bastard.
Why? Because RM came out just to push his hastily scribbled, poorly-spelled (probably) memoirs. Despite being gay since, well forever, Ricky didn’t come out during the height of his fame for fear of losing fans (read: revenue) and now comes ‘out’ in the hopes of generating more publicity (read: revenue) for his book!
Below is the actual (fictional) transcription of Ricky’s meeting with his publisher:
Ricky: ¡Madre De Dios! What can I do to make people buy my book, esse? I am no longer el celebritito and my passion for music is as dead as the cast of Glee’s eyes!
Publisher: Since your career is over anyway, why don’t you come out? That way at least you can carve out a niche as an ironic camp curio who performs at Glitz four times a year?
Ricky:¡Si! Perhaps it is time to end the secrets and lies, amigo. It’s time to shock the world. Plus, I could do with a bigger shoe-closet.
Chas sincerely hopes his book sells less copies then Jordan's 'What I did While Waiting For My Nail Polish To Dry: Vol 2'.