04 Dec 2008
GAYNGEROUS GAMES THIS YULE! DEC 4
Chas says: Wondering what homo-friendly videogames to buy your partner/inevitably fucked-up progeny this Xmas?
You’re not? Well, too bad because the nice people at CrazyChristians.com have complied a list of games that are guaranteed to herald the apocalypse, ruin society, turn all and sundry to sodomy – and Chas has listed them all handily below!
Vidja games ain’t for everyone, but if like Chas you are anti-social and like to shoot/blow-up Nazis/Aliens here are 4 games that’ll guarantee a gay ‘ol yule:
1) Grand Theft Auto IV. This is the Ferrari of controversial games. Chas’ favourite mission in this game involves your character (Niko) protecting a gay business associate (your character is an Equal Opportunities employer). He goes jogging in the park in his towel-suit and you have to follow on a pink moped and protect him when some homophobes jump out of the bushes – then it’s grenade time! You can also try pick up guys online in the game – but they’ll turn you down cos Niko isn’t gay.
2) Saints Row 2: This only merits inclusion in Chas’ list because it’s the only game to actively encourage one to create a trans-character (Randy the Tranny was used to actively market the game)! Pity the game itself is as entertaining as a rehab sesh with Amy Winehouse (and twice as twitchy). Still, trans-friendly games that aren’t The Sims are few and far between!
3) Mass Effect: This one gets a 3 – the max score for ‘Gay’ content on this list of ‘gaynderous games’ - "Lesbian Encounters: The sexual encounter occurs even if you create a female character, which opens the door to same-sex relationships." The game is one of those sprawling epic affairs where you have to invest about 45 hours of gameplay before the plot kicks in. Still, lesbians! In a game!
4) Bully: Scholarship Edition: Made by RockStar (GTA developers) this game’s homo-content largely slipped under the radar – despite the fact that for Chas’ money it was the most positive inclusion of gay content ever. For the Xbox360, players have to do random tasks within a game to unlock ‘achievements’ – points which are added to a profile, increasing a gamers’ score and bragging rights – and this game was the first ever high-profile release to feature a ‘gay’ achievement, called ‘Over the Rainbow’ which the play can earn after wooing (with flowers and candy!) and then snogging 20 males classmates.
Buying a console?Take Chas' advice: Buy a Xbox360 – PS3 are poorly manufactured garbage and about 50 dodgy consoles are returned per week to Sony from disgruntled customers.
Chas says: Games are not just for nerds and people with no access to alcohol/cannabis anymore. Gay gamers (Gaymers!) are taking over the world – join la Revolution de Gayma!