09 Jul 2008
BIG BROTHER'S LITTLE BITCH: JULY 8
The nominations are in and it looks like Jabba the Bex and not-so-Super-Mario will face the public vote.
Chas says: Yargh, ’tis unsurprising considering she be a space hogging land whale and he be more vile than a thousand rotting fish carasses.
Katraya, nominated Luke the Eunich for his weasely behaviour. “He go from group to group, spedding ‘Chi-nee Wispa’”. Wise words from a bisexual Thai that wants to be reincarnated as a pokemon.
Mario’s text-book mid-life crisis is tragic-comedy at it’s finest. Some men get motorbikes, some get spray tan and girdles.Guess which one Mar is? Plus, his constant one-upsmanship is utterly unbearable; if one of the women had PMS rest assured Grampa Mar would have ovarian cancer.
Dull and Duller (Dale and Stu(pid)) have bonded since Helen of Croydon has left the house, and have now become one conjoined, amorphous blob (Dale-st?Dal-stu?St-ale! Yes St-ale!). Stu is a tad wiser than Dale, but wisdom hardly matters when you have Ned Flanders syndrome (rockin tush, rotten mush)
Poor Rex is lonely. And ginger! Poor man. At least his girlfriend is a hottie. By the way, anyone doubting that Rex is actually as rich as he claims need only take a look at her to determine the validity of that one. He’s got red hair peeps, red hair.
Elsewhere, Belinda(x3) serenaded the house with a nasally, ska-jazz fusion cover of ‘Over the Rainbow’. Chas says: A ska version of ‘Over the Rainbow’? Outside of the ironic setting of a Gay Pride event? Don’t think so.
Mammoth Mo has developed a little crush on Maysoon. What a gift it must have been for him to have a fresh woman (one who hadn’t heard him fart or empty the entire fridge, and bin, in one setting) come into the house. Like all his Ramadans came at once!
Chas says: Goodbye Mario, you vain, verbose, saggy David Brent-alike; you can fight your fellow housemates, but not the ravaging effects of time. Hang up your posing pouch and progress to your inevitable career as a Bingo caller or Discount Gigalo. It’s the best you could hope for.