ASK SHIRLEY
Ask Shirley
Is your fella cheating on you with some skank off Grindr? Is your vajazzler a racist? Are left-handed people all a bit weird? No problem is too tough for Shirley!
"Shirley, I caught my boyfriend looking at straight porn, should I confront him?!"
Erm... Hang on a ho-mo there? I'm not really sure I'm getting what the problem is.
Was your boyfriend having sex with you at the time he was looking at straight porn? If so, that's kinda awkward. Instead of confronting him about it, perhaps you should lead by example and put down YOUR iPhone first. Maybe he'll get the hint and put his down too. Sex is usually more rewarding when you pay attention to the person you are having the sex with. Unless you're having sex with the Irish guy from One Direction.
But maybe you were snooping about his laptop and saw a couple of straight porn sites listed in his browsing history. If so, don't panic! This does NOT mean it was your boyfriend doing the actual "looking". It could have been any of the fellas that he might be seeing behind your back. Do you have CCTV installed in your house? Perhaps you could go through some of the old tapes and find out for sure before you make any embarrassing allegations.
Of course, if it was him looking, I don't think there is a need for any concern. Many gay men have a healthy curiosity about hetero sex. They enjoy seeing MILFs getting their butts banged by the boy from next door (as long as he is legal) as much as they like watching some plastic-boobed whore receiving what is known in the industry as a cream-pie. It might turn your prudish stomach but it just makes him, at best, a bit curious and at worst, a bisexual.
Just count your blessings that it wasn't lesbian porn. That shit is addictive.
"Shirley, I arranged to meet a guy on Grindr without swapping pics, when I turned up the guy turned out to be my boyfriend. I can't believe he's been unfaithful! What should I do?"
I know you think your problem is terribly "21st century" but bored, suburban, straight people have been experiencing your little dilemma since they invented straight people. The truth is you are just as boring as you are bored.
Learn a lesson from the annoying straight couple in the Pina Colada Song and see this experience as an adrenalin shot into the arm of your dull, dying relationship. Maybe there are things about each other that you have yet to discover? Lord knows, no one else cares.
If not, you could also take the Babooshka approach and kill the bastard.
Shirley, is it ever ok to mix stripes with check?
If you had asked me whether or not it was ok to mix Xanax with Oxycontin, I'd be on firmer ground. That's because drugs are science but fashion is an art form.
The real question is not whether stripes can be mixed with checks but whether YOU can pull off the combination. Rules are only there to help the incompetent and the clinically plain.
If you are desperate for a definite answer, then I would say the rule is: Yes, but NEVER in equal quantities. This rule also applies to mixing Xanax and Oxycontin.
When using drugs and fashion, you should always check the label.